Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
