Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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