I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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