Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
