I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
