i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
