addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
