ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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