Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Two words: blizzard sex
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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