Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
