i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
