Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
this is an emotional support booty call
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
