I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
