So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
