somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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