a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's rum buckets o'clock
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
