After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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