And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
