I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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