batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
