No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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