I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
