I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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