he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
