Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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