I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
