Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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