I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
