How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
