i think i have two assholes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
