The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
