So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
