the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
