She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
