Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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