I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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