even my farts smell like vagina
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
