I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
