epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
