I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
being pregnant is like rehab
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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