just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
birth control should be required to get into college
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
