I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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