Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
