Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Randomize
