Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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