I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
