you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
