I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
