i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
