remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
