I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
